What to Do If Your Partner Won’t Stop Drinking This Christmas

Holiday drinking can look harmless, but for some people it quickly becomes harmful — to themselves and their relationships.

Christmas is supposed to feel warm, joyful, and safe.

But when your partner’s drinking is out of control, it can feel like anything but that.

You might be carrying a mix of dread, sadness, anger, guilt, or even loneliness, all while trying to keep the holiday “together” for everyone else.

If that’s you, you’re not overreacting

This guide is here to meet you where you are. Not with lectures, blame, or unrealistic promises to “fix” everything by New Year’s, but with calm, practical support.

Why Holiday Drinking Can Be Dangerous for Some People, Including Your Partner

The Pressure to “Be Merry.”

There’s an unspoken rule during the holidays that everyone should be happy, relaxed, and grateful. Alcohol becomes a quick way to switch off stress or force a good mood.

For someone with a drinking problem, this pressure can push them to drink more than they planned or drink even when they promised themselves they wouldn’t.

Family Dynamics and Old Wounds

Christmas often brings people back into rooms filled with history. Old arguments, unresolved tension, feeling judged, or trying to impress family can all trigger emotional discomfort.

Alcohol can feel like a shield: something that makes those moments easier to tolerate. Unfortunately, it also lowers self-control and increases the likelihood of conflict.

Grief, Loneliness, and Emotional Overload

Not everyone feels joyful at Christmas. Missing loved ones, breakups, financial stress, or feeling left behind can all feel sharper at this time of year.

Alcohol can numb that pain temporarily, but it often intensifies it later — leading to heavier drinking, emotional outbursts, or days-long binges.

Work Parties and Social Expectations

Festive work events are often alcohol-centered , and saying no can feel awkward or even risky professionally.

For someone already vulnerable to binge drinking, these events can kick-start a pattern: one night turns into several, and “just for Christmas” becomes a cycle that’s hard to stop.

Cultural Norms That Normalise Excess

Christmas drinking is often joked about or brushed off as “what everyone does.” Binge drinking gets reframed as tradition or stress relief, which makes it harder to spot when things cross a line.

For someone with alcohol dependence, this normalisation can hide how serious the problem really is.

Where Your Partner Might Fit on the Spectrum

Not everyone who drinks at Christmas has a problem. It helps to understand the spectrum in simple terms:

• Social drinkers may drink more than usual during the holidays, but can stop without much trouble.

• Problem drinkers start to experience negative consequences, such as arguments, missed responsibilities, broken promises — especially during high-stress times like Christmas.

• Binge drinkers drink large amounts in short periods, often losing control once they start.

• Alcohol-dependent drinkers feel unable to stop or cope without alcohol, even when it’s causing harm.

Understanding this doesn’t excuse harmful behaviour, but it does help you respond with clarity instead of self-blame.

And that clarity matters, especially when you’re deciding how to protect yourself and your household this Christmas.

Early Warning Signs Your Partner’s Christmas Drinking Is Becoming Dangerous

It’s easy to second-guess yourself at Christmas. Drinking is normalised, joked about, and often excused as “just the holidays.”

But there are clear signs that things have moved beyond a bad habit, and noticing them early can help you protect yourself and know when to get extra support.

The toughest step, but it matters the most.

Emotional and Behavioural Red Flags

Changes in behaviour are often the first warning signs, especially during the festive season.

You might notice:

• Increased irritability, mood swings, or anger — especially when alcohol is limited

• Disappearing during events or sneaking drinks

• Becoming defensive, minimising, or shutting down when drinking is mentioned

• Lying about how much they’ve had or hiding alcohol

• Neglecting responsibilities, plans, or family commitments

These aren’t just “holiday stress.” They are signs that alcohol is starting to control the situation and that emotional safety in the relationship may be slipping.

Physical and Safety Red Flags

Some signs signal immediate risk and shouldn’t be brushed off.

Pay attention if you see:

• Blackouts or memory gaps

• Drink-driving or insisting they’re “fine” to drive

• Falls, injuries, or accidents while intoxicated

• Aggression, intimidation, or physical outbursts

• Mixing alcohol with medication or other substances

• Shaking, sweating, nausea, confusion, or agitation when they’re not drinking

If you’re noticing these signs and feel unsure how to cope, structured support can help you regain clarity and safety.

You can learn more about our private alcohol support programs here. At this point, the concern isn’t just about drinking too much; it’s about real harm.

When It’s No Longer Safe to Handle This Alone

You don’t get extra points for coping quietly.

If your partner:

• Is unconscious, confused, or hard to wake

• Has seizures, severe vomiting, or trouble breathing

• Becomes violent or threatens harm

• Shows signs of severe withdrawal

• Puts themselves or others in immediate danger

…it’s time to involve outside help. That might mean calling emergency services, a doctor, or an alcohol or mental health helpline.

Asking for help isn’t an overreaction. It’s a responsible response to a situation that’s bigger than one person — especially during a high-risk time like Christmas.

Trust your instincts. If something feels unsafe, it probably is. You’re allowed to prioritise safety over appearances, traditions, or keeping the peace.]

Ways to Navigate Christmas When Your Partner’s Drinking Feels Out of Control

This is a step-by-step plan you can use during the festive period. Realistic, flexible, and focused on harm reduction, not perfection.

This section isn’t about forcing your partner to stop drinking overnight. It’s about helping you think ahead, reduce damage where possible, and protect your own wellbeing during a season that can easily spiral.

Mapping Christmas Triggers (People, Places, Events, Emotions)

The first step is awareness — not judgement.

Take a moment to notice when your partner’s drinking tends to escalate. Christmas usually comes with very specific triggers, such as:

• Certain relatives or family gatherings that feel tense or critical

• Work parties or social events where alcohol is the main activity

• Long evenings at home with nothing planned

• Paydays, bonuses, or “we deserve it” moments

• Casual invitations that start with “just one drink.”

You’re not trying to control these situations, just naming them. When triggers are predictable, they’re easier to plan around.

Even quietly acknowledging “this is a high-risk night” can help you respond more calmly instead of being caught off guard.

Awareness comes before change.

Adjusting the Environment to Support Less Drinking

You can’t control your partner’s choices, but you can influence the environment around them.

This might look like:

• Choosing fewer events that revolve entirely around alcohol

• Suggesting alternative activities (movies, walks, late breakfasts, day trips)

• Having alcohol-free drinks available, so drinking isn’t the only option

• Agreeing in Advance on a Time to leave a party

• Planning an “exit strategy”: your own transport, a reason to leave, or a safe place to go if things escalate

These are harm-reduction strategies. They don’t demand abstinence, and they don’t rely on willpower alone. They simply make heavy drinking less automatic and less all-consuming.

Agreeing on Small, Realistic Changes (If Your Partner Is Willing)

If your partner is even slightly open to conversation, keep changes small and specific.

Instead of big promises, focus on what feels doable right now, such as:

• A rough limit on drinks at events

• Alcohol-free mornings or certain days

• No drinking before a set time

• A plan to stop after a particular point in the evening

Frame these conversations around getting through Christmas safely, not fixing everything forever. You’re not asking for perfection; you’re asking for something manageable that reduces harm for both of you..

How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Drinking Before Christmas

Having this talk can feel daunting, especially if past attempts have ended in defensiveness or shutdown. The aim here isn’t to win an argument or force a promise; it’s to speak clearly, protect your well-being, and create some shared understanding before Christmas adds more pressure.

Choose the Right Moment (Sober, Calm, Private)

Timing matters more than perfect wording. Try to avoid starting this conversation in the middle of an argument, when your partner has been drinking, or during a stressful or rushed moment.

These situations tend to heighten defensiveness and make it harder for either of you to feel heard or stay calm.

Instead, choose a quiet time when they’re sober, relatively calm, and you can talk without interruptions. A private, neutral setting helps keep the focus on understanding rather than performance or embarrassment.

Prepare What You Want to Say (And What You’ll Ask For)

It’s easy to freeze or get sidetracked in emotional conversations. Preparing beforehand can help you stay grounded.

Before you talk, try writing down:

• What’s been worrying you most

• How their drinking affects you or the household

• One or two realistic things you’re asking for over Christmas

Keep your requests specific and achievable. This isn’t about solving everything; it’s about getting through the festive period with less harm.

Use Compassionate, Clear Language Instead of Blame

Blame often triggers defensiveness, even when the concern is valid. Clear, compassionate language keeps the door open.

A simple structure can help:

1. “When X happens…” (the behaviour)

2. “I feel Y…” (your experience)

3. “I need Z…” (a clear, reasonable need)

For example:

“When you drink heavily at family events, I feel anxious and on edge. I need us to have a plan, so I feel safe and know what to expect.”

This keeps the focus on your experience and makes your request easier to understand, without sounding blaming. You’re naming impact, not attacking character.

Agree Clear Follow-Ups (Not Just a One-Off Talk)

One conversation rarely changes everything.

If possible, agree on:

• What you’re trying over Christmas

• How you’ll know if things are improving or getting worse

• A time to check in again after the holidays

This turns the conversation into an ongoing process rather than a single emotional moment — and it gives you clearer information about what’s realistic moving forward.

You’re allowed to ask for clarity, safety, and honesty before Christmas begins. Starting the conversation early gives you more room to respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting in the middle of the storm.

First Small Steps You Can Take Right Now

You don’t need to wait until January to start. Small steps at a moment still count as progress.

The first step could be:

• Telling one trusted person how worried you are

• Booking an appointment with a GP or healthcare professional

• Looking into online support or counselling

• Setting one small, realistic goal for this Christmas, such as fewer drinking days or stopping earlier in the evening

Reaching this point, where you’re willing to look honestly at your drinking, is already a meaningful start.

Our reset programs are designed to help you move forward at your own pace, whether you’re trying to reduce binge drinking, create safer habits at home, or rebuild trust and stability after a difficult season.

You don’t have to carry this alone, and you don’t have to wait until things get worse to reach out. Support is available when you’re ready.

References

NHS. (2023). Alcohol misuse: Risks, effects, and support options.

NHS. (2022). Alcohol advice over the festive period.

PubMed Central. (2020). Alcohol use disorder: A spectrum-based understanding of risk and dependence.

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (2021). Alcohol’s effects on relationships and family life.

Drug and Alcohol Review. (2021). The role of peer support in addiction recovery: A systematic review.

BMJ Open. (2019). Seasonal patterns of alcohol consumption and binge drinking.

Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment. (2020). Harm reduction approaches for alcohol use in high-risk periods.

Alcohol Research: Current Reviews. (2018). Understanding alcohol dependence and loss of control.

About the Author

Graeme Alford, founder of Reset My Future, helps people reset their thinking and take back control—without needing to hit rock bottom.

Graeme Alford is the founder of Reset My Future and has been sober for over 40 years. Once a high-functioning alcoholic whose addiction cost him everything—including his career and freedom—Graeme rebuilt his life from the ground up. Today, he leads a one-on-one recovery program that helps people stop drinking, reset their thinking, and start living a life they’re proud of.He holds a Diploma in Alcohol, Other Drugs & Mental Health and has worked with hundreds of clients who want a real alternative to traditional rehab. His approach blends lived experience with evidence-based strategies—and a deep belief that no one is too far gone to change.